Mother Passed On
God took my mother home last night. That could be the end of this post. I say that because my feelings about my mother are my own. No one needs to know what it means to me to lose my mother. I am only posting this because I am going to read it later in life. It is a record for me.
My relationship with my mother:
My relationship with my mother was not all that great. As I recall she was having trouble in life and in her marriage. When I was 14 years old she left the family and moved into town. She left many times before that for a night or two, but this time was permanent. Her leaving wasn’t that big of a problem. It was a problem, but not a huge problem. What really was the problem was her going “back” to a lifestyle we all know was a bad one. It was bad for her; it was against God. She started drinking, smoking, and practicing things that are occult-related, like iChing. Not long after she left she ended up in an abusive lesbian relationship.
I tried repeatedly over the years to reason with her. For about 20 years I kept close ties with her. I offered her ways out of the mess she was getting herself into. She sounded responsive at first, but eventually, she would claim I was out-of-line and she would go back to her ways.
The last time ended with her walking away from my family and getting on a plane for San Diego. That was the last time I spoke with her. My feeling was that she was done getting help from me, and I was done trying to help her. She was going to go her own way, and I had to let her. I was confused about her leaving like that, but it was how she wanted it.
I was not happy, but at the same time, I was not holding a grudge or seeking vengeance.
Forgiveness and Communication:
When someone insists on breaking God’s laws and continues to hurt you or your family, you need to figure out what your position is on forgiveness. You don’t have to be okay with what they are doing. You don’t have to let them hurt you when they insist on doing so. What you don’t want to do is seek vengeance or revenge. If they are repentant then forgive them, and continue to forgive them. If they insist on doing things against God, you can only do so much. I prayed for her, but I was not going to go out of my way to speak with her. This is what she wanted.
I am not feeling super emotional about my mother’s passing. I think that is because I am already at peace with it all. I feel she knew God when she was younger and God doesn’t let His sheep go no matter what. So, I am okay with her soul and her destination. I am also okay with my thoughts. I do not feel I am leaving anything undone. I am sad she suffered and had to die, but I am actually happy she is with the Father and done with the garbage of this world. I am sad she couldn’t, or didn’t, spend time with my kids, but they will cope. It won’t end their lives. I tried being close to her, but it wasn’t going to happen. Again, she didn’t want that.
That is all I have to say about this at the moment. 🙂